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Lao Tong

Lao Tong

During a conversation about how I believe you just do life with some people and somehow find each other over and over again, my best girlfriend’s (Jackie) mother recommended a movie (also a book) she thought was worth a watch. It was called Snow flower and the Secret Fan.   I did not read the book but Jackie and I did attempt to watch the movie. I think the book would probably be more moving for both of us so I suspect I will pick it up someday.

            The movie is about a lifetime friendship between 2 women. It’s based on an old Chinese custom of Lao Tong. I recommend you look into the historical practice. It was basically a matched lifetime contractual relationship between 2 young girls. When the girls were about 7 and about to get started in the ritual of foot binding and other education practices intended to help secure a “good marriage” a match maker would search for a Lao Tong . It was based on 7 different matching characteristics to include birthdate, foot size, and birth number in the family. You can read more about it at Old China Books .

What I liked the most about the way the movie portrays the practice was how it validated the beauty and mystery of bonded female friendships.   In a time that their whole lives were being upturned (in a quite painful way) to make them more appealing to a man, they were given someone to understand their path. To support and love in a time when their whole self worth was based on the opinions and standards of men. They were property in so many ways, but to each other they were friends.

            The relationships in marriages were meant for stability, honor, and possession. This practice honored that you need an emotionally fulfilling partnership in your life. I believe my current romantic relationship is an emotionally fulfilling partnership but there is something about my female relationships that are so needed. I have my sister who is my person and also my family but I also have other people. These other women who I do life with. I know I have seen them in lives before and I am sure I will in whatever is after this life.

I really encourage anyone (regardless of gender) reading this to consider if you have another person in your life that isn’t a romantic person that you can be truly authentic with. Someone who doesn’t make you feel wrong or judged. If you don’t I recommend you start with something you love and see if you can find a meet up group or some other way to find like minded people. Put out in the world your ready for a good soul growing friendship. Also if you notice all your relationships are the complete opposite of this maybe its time to reconsider where you spend your time and energy and whom you are bonded to.


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Mentoring/Coaching and Readings - Contact Form - Join the Tribe

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